My Personal Freedom

April 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm 2 comments

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

I have this passion for words… for writing and reading them. It is hard to explain- you just read something unbelievably amazing and it wows you. It opens up your mind and it really changes you. It makes time stop- your world slows to a halt for a brief moment. That’s why I love words (even though from time to time I tend to forget this).

When we were told to read something that ‘fit’ us, I thought about my writing, but put the idea aside. I thought about it wondering if it was a good or just terrible idea. I decided the day before to read my poetry. Maybe if I didn’t tell my audience until the end that it was mine I could ‘endure the reading’ and not worry about eyes staring at me.

I was nervous… and it was more than a normal kind of nervous. I was afraid of rejection. Writing is freedom for me, those were my words, and they are personal. I was scared of looking into the crowd and seeing their reaction. I was afraid of the thoughts from my classmates that I might not be ‘normal’- because the truth be told my writing doesn’t have happy endings. Maybe because the writers who have moved me influence my work and for the most part their writing is not about rainbows and sunshine. I’m influenced by what music I listen to and I also have this thought that unhappy endings have a shock value that just sticks with you longer than a ‘fairytale’ ending (I’m talking about ‘Disney- like’ endings). No matter, I get this rejection most of the time- these looks that read ‘sub-human’ when I share any of my writing and I was shaking inside. After my first poem, everyone knew it was my writing because I was asked that question, and I answered it honestly.

At the end of my second poem I looked up, realized people were listening, and I wasn’t getting odd looks from classmates. I realized that my classmates were open-minded and cared about what I had written… what I had read. I was relieved. I thank them so much for being so unprejudiced. It meant the world to me and it will make my future speeches easier knowing I’m not being criticized so harshly.

So all I can say is thank you.

-Sabrina

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Entry filed under: By Sabrina, confidence & public speaking, Creativity, Fear & public speaking, Finding Your Voice, Public Reading, Public Speaking Delivery, Reflecting on Experience, storytelling, Uncategorized.

Real Anxiety!!! How do YOU feel now?

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Heather  |  April 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Sabrina, I love words too. There is just something magical about that moment you hear, see, write, or say just the right one. That moment when everything all connects around that one perfect word you were looking for. It is as if your mind can now be at peace with that moment.

    Yes, I think these words you have compiled in this blog post are beautiful, and I think it is beautiful that the people in your class were so open-minded to what words you had to say.

    Keep sharing your words with the world. They deserve to be heard!

    Reply
  • 2. Pamela B.  |  April 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Sabrina, It is I that should be thanking you. When you said your reading was from your own written work, I found myself leaning forward to listen more closely. Please don’t worry about sharing your form of art–it is who you are–and very touching for anyone willing to listen. I have been watching the posts and waiting for yours so I could say, Thank you.

    Pam

    Reply

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